I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
