I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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