Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
