so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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