Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
