Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
