There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We are all done wearing pants today
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
