My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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