please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You took a bar mat shot.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
