Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
