Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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