I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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