so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
