Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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