i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
