Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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