So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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