you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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