I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
