Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
