ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
