I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
