she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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