The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
