He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
