is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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