i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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