DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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