We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
