I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
