I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
