She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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