Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
