ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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