I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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