while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
