I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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