There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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