Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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