plz talk dirty to me
I'm gonna have a badass scar
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize