That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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