Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
