I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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