im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
