U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
