So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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