the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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