running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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