I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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