I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
