Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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