take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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