8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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