Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
