it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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