Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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