I'd wear matching sweaters with you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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