i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
