Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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