The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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