Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
