Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
