I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
