Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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