She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
God, I missed his penis.
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