I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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