my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
