please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
