Where did you get a picture of my penis
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
