It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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