you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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