you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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